LETHARGY

Sharp-edge knife stabs into me, grating like claw through my heart,
   I wake up each morning swallowing all the pain
Praying today would be different, hoping for a new start
   light disappears, consumed greedily by the dark,
       in the shadows of the past, I remain hidden.

The curtains fall, I try to recall all the promises we shared,
   this room is full of nondescript words since the day you left
I attempt to go out, still waiting for you under our shed
   Rain pours, cars pass, but my memories of you are shattered,
     this life has no meaning, no depth.

I stumble, crawl, walk the world eyes blindfold,
   the fracture in my head; i force to fix and mend
the sutures in my chest; imperishable and bold
   my soul is exploding, i need to find release,
     perhaps, i want this suffering to end.

I am your slave in distance; you are a coward invincible master.
   without you I am nothing; just insignificant number, a dust
I am a walking lie, buffoon; unafraid, morose, living with no luster
I am not happy, not even sad; I feel nothing human, empty inside,
  just a fool waiting for eternity to last.

I guess this poem somewhat reflects my feelings right now. I've been exploding deep inside but all my friends see is a jolly person who doesn't seem to bother about the world. Seriously, I have a serious problem these days. I'm on the verge of not graduating with my college degree because of some discrepancies on our thesis. Our final defense is merely three weeks from now but still, we have to come up with a new one. Damn, a thesis should be made within months not weeks dude. But our professor insisted on doing another one. Well, that's better than not passing. 

When I went home last night, course from school, my mother has an incredible radar for she had detected my unease. I went straight to my room, stripped off my dress and dug myself under the covers of my bed. I felt bad, uncertain of what I should do. My thesis mates already cried when we were in school. I just couldn't bring myself to that kind of grief. My mom went upstairs, barged through the door and asked, "What's wrong?"

I said, "Nothing. I'm just tired." It's one of the greatest lie I am not good at. I'm okay. BUT I WAS FALLING APART. Then, memories from the past two years of my life kept flashing before me. I kept the memories shut for years and they came unexpectedly. "No, not this time!" I told myself. I tried to sleep, forgetting how bad that day was, how I wanted the ground to split up just to swallow me whole. Damn, this is emotional torture. They just kept on coming back. But I knew, HE will never come back to me.

I had a dream that night. I was scanning his page on facebook and on tumblr. I saw he posted our pics, our old photos together. We've been together for just a month but our break up gave me hell. I loved him to the depths of the Underworld. But he said I wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't know my priorities. What kind of a break-up excuse was that?! 

Then, in my dream, he wanted me to take him back to my life again. But that is too impossible. Why? It was just a dream, nothing more. 

When I woke up, realization hit me like a rock. I want to be with him again, start a new, hear him say my name again. My name is a whisper, a soft music from his lips, every letter is a lovely sound. My life is everything, not nothing. I am loved. I am different. I want him back. That's it. He's all that I want, all that I  need, and all that I'll ever be... after what he's said and done, I still love him.

This is the story behind this too dramatic poem. I just woke up feeling so low today. hmm... thank you for listening to me. :)

----A

A Post that should've been posted a year ago...

So, as I have said earlier today, I've been digging my old stuffs and found something really really hilarious. I don't want to be too dramatic but damn, I WAS A DRAMA QUEEN BACK THEN!

We all believe in something, we all do, even the worst. And way back three hundred sixty five days ago, I was a typical teenager desperately madly in love with excessive combustion of hormones. (what am i talking about?) So, here's the catch. For nineteen years, I broke my heart thousand times but none of them really had an impact on me except for my second boyfriend. Just so you know, I only have two serious relationship in my life (hopefully, there would be more). This is a nonsense story two years ago. AND PLEASE DON'T LAUGH. I WAS TOO NAIVE. 

I thought he was everything (which he still is, to me actually.) But I moved on already though. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MAN! I MOVED ON. THAT'S IT. I'm just quite shocked when I saw and read this scribble I wrote secretly for him last year. Can you believe it? For damn two years, I was in love with him. And he doesn't know anything about it. Here's what I've been blabbing about.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE

It's all because 

you're the only one.

been meeting many people

but you're all I want

It's all because you're my only one.

How I wish

this dream never ends

you could love another

but i'll still hold your hand

It's all because you're the one I adore.

It may be uncanny

seeing you happy with somebody

I can't deny it hurts so badly

though I promise to stay behind

It's all because you're dear to me.

Can I ask a thing?

Could we be together for a moment,

a time I won't feel so alone,

and being the only one loved by you

It's all because you're my hero.

I am in love with you for long

better if you should've known

and have been waiting for you that somehow, someday 

I'll be the only person you see.

It's all because for me,

You are the only one.

And this is it. I really can't believe that I just wrote a poem without a rhyme. hahaha. whatever. He will not even notice this. I doubt he has a time. If he ever see this, he won't say a thing.

Lethargy...

I am currently raiding my closet now for the poems and short stories I made way back at middle school. I found this one book where I kept writing the scribbles on my mind. I'll share my work once I'm done with my task, maybe later this evening. :) This is a collection of the poems I've written when I was a junior. I wish you'll like them.

BE PREPARED!

--done. :)

Trap Adam's POV

This is the song which suited my writing today. I love the lyrics and how they really get into me. :) It is originally performed and composed by my favorite local artist Bamboo Manalac. I'll be posting a sneak peek of Adam's POV soon. :)

HOW TO FEEL EMPOWERED, AGAIN

Another blog post I'm reading this day. damn, why do I get this feeling that these posts are meant for me? Sheeez. I need a rain check! hahaha. We all need something to hold on to. I'm reading some self-help tips these days though I'm not really a person you can call "Depressed" or "Stressed". What a jolly person I am, man! Believe it or not! Hahahahahahaha. I just keep laughing while I am posting this stuff.



HOW TO FEEL EMPOWERED, AGAIN
By Maui V. Reyes for Yahoo! Southeast Asia


No doubt there have been times when you've felt like you're at your lowest. It could be right after losing a pitch at work, or the days that follow a breakup. And while good-meaning friends constantly tell you that it's not the end of the world, well, you're pretty much convinced that yes, your world is crumbling, and you'd much rather spend it under the sheets with a pint of Rocky Road.


The thing is, you're stronger and better than what you're feeling now. While you don't exactly feel like Ms. Sunshine, the tools needed to get out of that funk can't be found in that tub of ice cream: it's actually in you.


We asked life coach Kimi Lu what's the best way to get ourselves out of a rut. Her advice? Reflect and do some realizations. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to get you started:


Have you ever felt empowered? There must have been one point in your life when you felt like superwoman. Rewind to that time: was it when you got your first job, delivered an awesome presentation, or maybe when you kicked ass in basketball? Think back at what the situation was, and what you did to get there.


How good did you feel? Try to remember how it felt during that time. Did you have butterflies in your stomach? Did you feel like you could move mountains if you wanted to? Mark that feeling on a scale of one to ten, and try to think, "How can I feel this way again?"


Ask yourself: How do I get that feeling back? You felt empowered once—you can totally feel it again! The thing is, you're in control of your own emotions, so you can get back to that spot if you really, really wanted to. So list down the (realistic!) steps you think you'll need to do to get there again!


Stick to the plan. As Coldplay sang, nobody said it was easy: and you'll definitely encounter some bumps in the road. So part of your game plan should be how to maintain these steps. It's easy to fall off the wagon when the going gets tough—and believe us, there will be a lot of potholes! Stay focused and stick with the steps you laid out.


Look at the future. How do you see yourself in a year after you've accomplished the steps you laid out? Will you be ten times happier, or still in a rut? Sometimes, looking at the future and how this awful feeling will pass should make you want to work even harder at being happier and more empowered.


Still feel like wallowing? Cry for five minutes and then stick your chin up: this is only a low point in your life. There are many more highs to encounter. Besides—there's no other way to go but up!

Thank you for the tips Maui! Sure these will help other girls, even boys too! :) Keep living! Live life to the fullest, no we have to push our limits! :) Keep safe y'all!

Social Networking Disasters To Avoid

Here is a blog post from a prominent blogger  Tatin Yang for Yahoo! Southeast Asia on Beauty Talk. I've been browsing the web moments ago until this post caught my eye. :)

Tatin Yang is a freelance beauty writer for Candy magazine, Good Housekeeping, and Philippine Daily Inquirer. Aside from writing, she's been doing makeup for six years and is also a self-confessed dog lover, bookworm and Steve Jobs devotee.

So, here's the entire post.

Social Networking Disasters To Avoid

Blame it on Mark Zuckerberg or that fat, waddling, Twittering blue bird, but it seems that our social network lives may have taken over our real ones.

It's so easy to be taken in by the charm of sharing thoughts, photos and videos online and the comments and likes you receive from friends and even strangers give you a certain kind of giddiness, but it only takes one tweet or mistakenly uploaded photo for the fun to turn into a cringe-worthy moment. Here are our top social network disasters and how to avoid it:

1. Sharing is caring, but oversharing is scaring.

Did you get an A on that tough exam, had a great time at the movies with your friends, or found out that your crush likes you back? Go ahead and tell your Twitter and Facebook friends what an awesome time you're having. But if you feel the urge to announce what weird and mildly gross irregularities your body is undergoing, what you had for breakfast, or the one thousand and twelve reasons why you think your teacher is out to get you, save it for your loyal (human) best friend instead.

2. Say it, don't flood it.

Yes, we get that you think Twitter accounts like @TheNotebook or @ihatequotes is the best thing since peanut butter, but if we wanted to be flooded with sappy quotes, we would have followed them directly. Stop flooding your friends' timelines or Walls with sappy quotes or mushy musings lest you get unfollowed or de-friended.

3. The Golden Rule for social networking

If The Golden Rule states to "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you", the social network equivalent should be "Do not do unto others online what makes you cringe when others do it." These include but are not limited to: Posting "candid" photos of you and your boyfriend caught in mid-kiss or mid-embrace, or uploading a video of you dancing to a Lady Gaga song in your rattiest underwear.

4. Privacy settings

Whenever you are about to upload a photo or video, imagine this scenario: An irate employee at Facebook had just been fired and as a parting shot to Mark Zuckerberg decides to screw with everyone's privacy settings and make all private photos public. Do you suddenly find yourself worried? If the answer is yes, then don't upload that photo or video.

Always remember that the Internet never forgets and whatever you upload remains in someone else's servers.

5. Social networking PDA

To illustrate:

Uploaded: A photo of one drink with two straws

Tagged: Girl and boyfriend

Caption: A sweet Saturday milkshake with my adowable baby boo-boo. It's been a lovely 425 days, 13 hours, 36 minutes and 20 seconds. Hee-hee, I wuv you, bunny! Xoxo forever!

When your friends like this photo, half of them are being sarcastic.

6. Web of lies

You tell your professor that you need an extension on your thesis because a family emergency prevented you from working on it during the weekend, but you really went to the beach and partied with friends—and uploaded the fun photos. Hey, professors go on Google and have Facebook, too, you know, so better make sure your real life story meshes with the virtual version or you'll end up in trouble, both online and off.

Just like to share these tips with you people! Way to go Tatin!

SCRIBBLES

The ink turns blue when it fades

Transforming into thin streaks of lines and curves

That tangled into strips of gold and silvers, all shades

Of gray, but in the end, astoundingly superb.

Words wrangle into space

Forming lovely poems we trace

Somewhere in the depth of the world

Comes a natural power from the subtle sword.

Troubling to the eyes of others the things we create

In our hearts, is a promise of a golden future, we are sated

Te one that is naked, visible to the eyes cannot be seen

In a mind’s wide open, a small prize it would have been.

Line by line, page by page, the  time moves

Our lives written on a sheet of brand new day

Idle words make stories on their accord that soothes

The tiny membrane between the ears, works as it may.

Here are the words that bugged me all throughout the week. I was waiting for my thesis mates at the school library. Meaningless words kept spinning inside my brain,spilling through my mouth. That's when I decided to create something from the nothing. So this, "Scribbles" has been made. Hope someone could relate to me. HAHAHAHA. I even took photos from my old phone. :) Sorry for the poor quality, not just of my pictures, but my penmanship too! 

                        

Writing Tips from Veronica Roth (Author of Divergent)

This is a post from an author I admire. She really is young but has taken the world by her work. Damn, Lord knows I wanted to be like her! So here are the writing tips she shared to hear followers. It really works!

My tips involve a series of stages:

STAGE ONE: Word vomit. (Sorry for the graphic image there.) Just write. Don’t reread what you have just written, even if you don’t remember it and you want to check it for consistency. Don’t do it! You will be tempted to edit, and editing before you finish the draft is the enemy of writing progress.

STAGE TWO: Let it sit for a while. This is a good time for you to reconnect with friends and family you may have neglected while writing, and to recharge your writer batteries, so to speak—go out into the world and remember how interesting it, and the people in it, are.

STAGE THREE: Reread, and make notes. I prefer the Microsoft Word in-text comments, but I have also used notebooks. I try to write down big, plot-or-character-shifting things the first time I reread. Like  ”remove this character” or “the end has to happen differently” or “set up this huge plot element earlier in the story.”

STAGE FOUR: Rip draft to shreds. The phrase “murder your darlings” (meaning: the stuff in your manuscript that you love best is probably the stuff that needs to go—and you have to be willing to get rid of it) has been important to me in developing as a writer. I try to make it a big, dramatic event wherein I save my old draft, copy-past the text into a new document, and start deleting huge sections of text. It hurts, but it’s oddly liberating. The story can become something new now—something better than it was before, something it coulding become if you clung to everything.

STAGE FIVE: Start writing again.

Thank you for reading! Pen and Paper! Here we go!

The Script - Nothing with Lyrics

This is the song on my playlist that I keep on repeating. No Shuffles. No Skipping.
The lyrics just kept me lying between good terms and bad terms. Emotions spill out from me. A song for brokenhearted. HAHAHAHA. Nice song you got there The Script!

Resting for months... this is procrastination.

I've been thwarting, stopped my writing and setted for reading books and watching movies. I will never ever get through with my book. What am I doing? I am too distracted with all the storm surge and those school activities. Lately, I keep thinking about quitting but damn, this is my passion. To write is all I have. I have nothing but my pen and paper with the magic we create together. Perhaps, I need inspiration- the motivation that will keep me creating stories and striving through. I am in need of the power to get through a single day. I am a number trapped inside an empty glass case, drowned with hot boiling water. My flesh and bones crushed with the pressure. My heart beats nothing. Like a bird soaring high, wind blown, I am washed away. I am getting nowhere. I am going down.


What to do?

Give me back my Ipod and I'm gonna go back to what I have started! Can someone hear me?